I’m not a photographer.
Photographers carry around big cameras, big lights, big flash contraptions and little meters, they talk about film stock, ISO’s, F stops and capturing the perfect light right before dusk.
Photographers spend lots of time in cramped dark rooms with red lights and chemicals that smell like egg farts.
Photographers have lots of lenses that they will tell you about whether you ask them or not, like the one that can see an ass hair on a mosquito or the remarkably “bright” one that can photograph the pope’s underwear tag from a tower in hell.
Photographers say “glass” a lot, “Thats a nice piece of glass you got there Danny.” which would be funny if it was a joke. No it wouldn’t.
Photographers LOVE Polaroid because you can take a picture of absolutely ANYTHING with a Polaroid and it will look like you got your BFA.
Photographers know the names of every other photographer who ever lived and they can tell you exactly who took the first picture of an old barn door or a naked girl on a sofa.
Photographers make use of make up artists, hairdressers, location scouts and stylists which is way way WAY different than photoshopping out zits and wrinkles. Photographers freeze moments to show the REALITY. They love that word, “reality” also they like to say “RAW” a lot.
Photographers have strong opinions about Terry Richardson.
Photographers like the anticipation, surprise, expense, delay, grain, smell, challenge, discipline, texture, and overall unpredictable “magic” of analog, soo opposite of effing digital.
Photographers use the word amateur to describe most other photographers.
Photographers miss the good old days when photography was expensive and out of reach to amateurs.
Photographers blame the lab a lot.
Photographers go to school to study photography because you can’t tell if a photo is good just by looking at it.
Photographers only really like 2 or 3 other photographers, the one’s whose photographs most resemble their own and they like to keep those books right out on the coffee table where everyone can see them.
So yeah, I don’t give a stumbling poop about any of that stuff.
I’m not a photographer.
[Mekley]
